Vultures

here on the mountain
only the birds bear witness
only the birds are aware

close to the cliff-edge
a lonely woman staring
the red-faced birds are aware


For dVerse. Victoria has asked us to write with patterns in mind. I thought I might try to pack as many patterns as I could into a small verse form. I chose a sedoka, with it’s repeating pattern of 5/7/7. Besides repeating a few words, I also used many repeating sound patterns, such as “only” and “lonely,” and some repetitions that are more visual, such as “are” and “aware.” See how many more patterns you can find. This was fun–write a poem and come join in!

 

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29 thoughts on “Vultures

  1. i learned today that birds can not see the color blue…did you know that…sorry, i know it is odd ball but..ha…i feel for her…and perhaps the birds are aware…or maybe she just needs someone to be….

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    • Thanks Brian–everyone needs someone to pay them attention. It can be a lonely world out there. (I hate to ruin your fun with the bird fact–forgive me for this–but it doesn’t seem to be true that birds cannot see blue. I know. This changes everything.)

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    • Thanks Bjorn–more people live close to the edge than we would care to know about, I think. It seems to me that something simple–like looking people in the face, smiling at them, giving even small indications that others are worth paying attention to, would go a long way to making the world better.

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  2. Difficult to get pattern into compression. You took the challenge and managed it very well. Not only did you capture the patterns in the words, but you gave us the visual of the woman and the birds itself forming a pattern or more and you were able to achieve a turn in the poem as well. Well done.

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  3. if the birds weren’t vultures it wouldn’t sound so menacing…now perhaps they know what’s the lonely woman up to and waiting may be?…they were witnesses before…you’ve nailed it !!

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