On Our Last Day

On Our Last Day
On our last day, a backyard swing
Ka-reeked and squawked. You took the ring
   I’d given you, a promise made
   Before our love began to fade
Like some forgotten sun-struck thing,
And threw it. The last day of spring—
A fine time for abandoning
   This ever-sickening masquerade.
                        On our last day,
The kids outside began to sing
Some rhyming song. (“Bye Baby Bunting”
   I think it’s called.) And while they played
   I gripped your neck and pulled the shade,
Heard Daddy’s gone a-hunting,

                        on our last day.


Tony Maude hosts tonight’s dVerse Form For All with an invitation to write a rondeau. I hadn’t written this form in years, but Tony’s excellent article gives the pertinent information. With so many matching rhymes the form is a challenge: R(efrain)aabba-aabR-aabbaR. I stayed pretty traditional throughout; however, I did take some slight liberties with meter in the last stanza since it seemed to fit the unsettled, degenerating mindset of the narrator. 


35 thoughts on “On Our Last Day

  1. a fine time for abandoning….dang. that whole middle stanza is taut with emotion…ever sickening masquerade…whoa…what a close though…mommy doesnt sound like she is going to meet her ending as well…


  2. This started off so romantically – and went quickly downhill from there, in mood not in quality … smiles.

    I love the way you've used the stanzas to tell the different scenes in the story; and playing with the meter to indicate the increasing degeneration of the narrator's mental state is really effective.


  3. Thanks Brian–I let my oldest daughter read it before I sent it in; she exclaimed, “Gosh, Dad, what's WRONG with you!” I knew I had accomplished my goal.


  4. Wow..'bye baby bunting' took me back in time..and the darker aspect in contrast…a father leaving his children ( or could be someone in throws of pain of a relationship gone bad)…either way, a deft way of describing the angst of it all.


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