On Our Last Day

On Our Last Day
On our last day, a backyard swing
Ka-reeked and squawked. You took the ring
   I’d given you, a promise made
   Before our love began to fade
Like some forgotten sun-struck thing,
And threw it. The last day of spring—
A fine time for abandoning
   This ever-sickening masquerade.
                        On our last day,
The kids outside began to sing
Some rhyming song. (“Bye Baby Bunting”
   I think it’s called.) And while they played
   I gripped your neck and pulled the shade,
Heard Daddy’s gone a-hunting,

                        on our last day.

——————————————-

Tony Maude hosts tonight’s dVerse Form For All with an invitation to write a rondeau. I hadn’t written this form in years, but Tony’s excellent article gives the pertinent information. With so many matching rhymes the form is a challenge: R(efrain)aabba-aabR-aabbaR. I stayed pretty traditional throughout; however, I did take some slight liberties with meter in the last stanza since it seemed to fit the unsettled, degenerating mindset of the narrator. 

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35 thoughts on “On Our Last Day

  1. a fine time for abandoning….dang. that whole middle stanza is taut with emotion…ever sickening masquerade…whoa…what a close though…mommy doesnt sound like she is going to meet her ending as well…

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  2. This started off so romantically – and went quickly downhill from there, in mood not in quality … smiles.

    I love the way you've used the stanzas to tell the different scenes in the story; and playing with the meter to indicate the increasing degeneration of the narrator's mental state is really effective.

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  3. Thanks Brian–I let my oldest daughter read it before I sent it in; she exclaimed, “Gosh, Dad, what's WRONG with you!” I knew I had accomplished my goal.

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  4. Wow..'bye baby bunting' took me back in time..and the darker aspect in contrast…a father leaving his children ( or could be someone in throws of pain of a relationship gone bad)…either way, a deft way of describing the angst of it all.

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