Sam Peralta is hosting dVerse FormForAll tonight. He has set us on the task of writing sedoka, a Japanese poetry form with two stanzas, each stanza having a 5-7-7 syllable count. Sam gives a good explanation of the other features of the form–y’all are invited to craft your own and link up!
Ephemeral
The slow water of
Tumble Creek reflects white clouds
and the hungry green heron.
Nothing stays the same.
It may be no human eye
Has ever seen what I see.
My Tiny Throes 
smiles…perhaps but you captured it nicely….its cool when you are out there in the middle of no where and see things and imagine you might be the only one that has seen it…well probably the exact same…as everything does change…
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A beautiful scene captured – lovely poem – K
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Oh, yes, the second stanza. And the first… Like a breath.
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Like that water reflection and inner reflection of “Nothing is the same” This resonated with me ~
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The fourth line keeps the movement of the water, clouds, and heron moving, just as you see it. Lovely.
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i like the way you start with the scene, the heron and the water and sky. and then turn it to you, the observer. that feeling of being alone watching nature, a part of it all
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Sharp, clearly drawn, and the seen to the seer. A strong pen, nico ~ M
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i love when things reflect in slow water…and let us see..and pause…
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I love the way you insinuate Heraclitus' philosophical declaration into this poem – “No man can swim in the same river twice; for it is never the same river, and he is never the same man.”
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…indeed, no two people can see same mona lisa in one portrait… both may glance a mona lisa but ask them to write or sketch same figure and both will give a different version of a same figure or subject… we cannot control the other side… we can only control ourselves… loved your sedoka… smiles..
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That second stanza about the uniqueness of now, and the green heron.. Love this poem.. reads with a unique timeless voice I think..
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'Tumble Creek' wasn't aptly named then 🙂
unless it followed Heraclitus' rule [as pointed out by Sam] to a very wide ranging degree.
Trying to work out who the 'I' could be. [ play with the sound of I/eye?]
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Ah yes, everything is so fresh, if we can only give ourselves the time to notice!
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Cool. I wish the green herons that have nested over my driveway would find more water. They are flying now, but haven't left for good. I love them, it's just that I'm having to wash my car all the time. We have a ping pong table in the garage that just might need to find a new home, too. = )
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Thanks Brian, no one sees exactly the same thing, even if looking at the same time and place. My eyes give me my perspective, only. Kind of weird to think about.
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Thanks K, I'm glad you liked it.
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Thanks Marya.
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Thanks Grace–I think it's interesting that the images in the mind are not “real” in the way the objects outside of it are–like a reflection in water.
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Thanks J.–everything, even what we think of as most stable, is always moving.
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Thanks Ray!
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Thanks M.!
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Thanks Claudia, a lot of life should be lived within that pause . . .
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Thanks Sam–I thought about titling this something like, “No, Parmenides, You Were Wrong.” Ha!
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Thanks Kelvin, there are as many different versions as there are different seers.
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Thanks Bjorn, I'm happy you enjoyed it!
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Thanks Aprille–Even a tumbling creek has some sections of slow water! As for the “I”–I'm forever trying to work out who that could be as well. Might as well be playing with sounds while I figure it out!
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Thanks Rowan–some thinkers see this perennial freshness as instability!
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Thanks Laurie–I love the green herons, but it sounds like yours need to find a nice quiet creek somewhere.
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That's true nicono eyes ever seen it like you.. love this!
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This is just lovely – and very true and has this great Japanese feel to it combined with a kind of free-ranging twang. Very nice. k.
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I want to be there and see what you see. I love the blend of the heron (a Japanese feel) and the place you are that feels quite familiar to me.
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Oh, this really gets to me! Simple yet unforgettable language creating the whole scene and a wealth of emotion.
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..truth!
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Parmenides packed brain boggling sedoka and I thought you were such a simple country lad:)
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Thanks Sam!
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Thanks Karin, I enjoy reading and writing Japanese form poetry, I don't know why I don't do it more often. The twang comes natural!
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Thanks Victoria–you are always welcome to come along!
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Thanks Rosemary, for such a kind comment.
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Thanks Cress, there's nothing scarier than a college-educated redneck.
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I saw a blue heron today at work..and I thought about a friend..your words ring true..nothing stays the same..
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Perhaps, but thank you for relating this! Herons are ethereal and haunting birds; nice use of it in this sedoka. Great write!
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Thanks Truedessa!
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Thanks Mike!
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Chortles and guffaws!
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very picturesque in just a few words, Nico!
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My first time here – really like: “It may be no human eye
Has ever seen what I see…” Good stuff, Nico – I'll be back…. All the Best to you Scott http://www.scotthastie.com
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no human eye, but through your words many can see through your eyes.
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